When We Start Loving Ourselves, Everything Changes

By Themis Ejegreh June 24th 2026

When we think about love, how often does our mind immediately jump to romantic love with another person?

We watch so many rom-coms where the guy gets the girl or the girl gets the guy. It’s often made to seem like romantic love is something we should always strive for. Romantic love is important for society and for individuals, as it can enrich a person’s life. But there are also other types of love that matter just as much—parental love, platonic love, and so on.

But what about the love that comes from within yourself?

Self-love -  the love you build from within is a powerful type of love that can completely change your trajectory in life. It is important for your mental wellbeing, and it does not depend on other people’s emotions or validation.

Self-love is not always shown in the media, and it is often overlooked or neglected. But the truth is, it is essential because it forms the foundation for all other types of love. If you cannot love yourself, how can you truly show love to others? If you cannot respect yourself, how can you treat others with respect?

To love others fully, you first have to start with love from within.

Relearning Love as Self-Respect

Self-love is a form of self-respect. How you love yourself reflects how you see your own value, and that affects how you treat others and what you allow into your life. When you truly love yourself, you stop letting just anything affect you. You don’t accept disrespect, and you don’t tolerate the bare minimum. Instead, you begin to set boundaries that protect your peace. Boundaries are important because they help define what feels right for your mental wellbeing, and they also let other people know what you will and will not accept.

It also changes how you protect your time and energy. You start to recognise when you are exhausted or overwhelmed, and instead of pushing yourself past your limits, you step back because your wellbeing matters. You begin to understand your own mind and body, and what affects you positively or negatively. At that point, you start prioritising the things in your life that support your wellbeing. You don’t want to be filled with anxiety or constantly feeling overwhelmed. Instead, you learn to recognise what is good for you and what is not. Your time and energy are not meant to be wasted or constantly overstretched and burdened.

That’s the kind of self-love I feel isn’t talked about enough. It’s not just about confidence, it’s about knowing your worth, protecting your peace, and choosing yourself consistently. It is okay to have “me time.” If you don’t want to go somewhere because you need to rest, that is okay. You don’t need to overcompromise yourself. Sometimes, saying “no” because you don’t want to is enough. Choosing yourself and your wellbeing should never feel like a problem or a burden.

It is also okay to do things that help you grow and feel better. Whether that’s a spa day, a beauty treatment, or attending therapy and coaching sessions to help you prioritise yourself and your needs.

 Unlearning Self-Doubt / Learning Not to Be My Own Worst Enemy

Self  love also comes in the sense of not overly shaming yourself.

We are often very critical of ourselves. We may think negative things like, “I can’t do this,” “I’m not smart enough,” “I’m not pretty enough,” or “Will people even like me?” These thoughts become so automatic that we don’t even question them.

But when you start to feel a sense of love within yourself, you begin to notice a different kind of strength. You realise you are capable of more than you think. You start to understand that you can do anything you put your mind to. And I think that is a real sign of self-love, a higher level of confidence and self-trust.

It’s about putting yourself out there without constantly tearing yourself down. I know it’s not easy. Negative thoughts can be very loud and persistent, and self-criticism can feel like a habit. But I don’t think you get very far if you stay in that mindset.

That’s why it’s important not to feed those negative thoughts. When you repeat them, they grow, and eventually they shape how you see yourself.

Instead, it helps to be kinder to yourself. To wake up in the morning, look in the mirror, and remind yourself: I can do this. I am capable. I am worthy. I love myself. Even if it feels uncomfortable at first, those thoughts start to shift your mindset over time.

When you truly start to build that self-love, you begin to realise that the world feels more open to you. You feel more confident speaking to people, expressing yourself, and showing up fully as who you are.

 Love as a sign of discovery 

Self-love is about discovery. It’s about getting to know your interests, your voice, and your identity without hiding any part of yourself. You shouldn’t have to shrink yourself to be accepted, you should be able to show your full self.

Have you ever felt like the people around you weren’t really motivating you? Deep down, you may have known that some of them weren’t right for you, that they put you in situations that weren’t healthy for your body or your mind but you stayed because you craved love, especially the feeling of friendship and belonging.

Maybe in school or at work, you’ve found yourself around people you didn't feel good with, going along with things you weren’t comfortable with just to fit in. I know I’ve done this too. I would often go home feeling upset, drained, and like I was living a version of myself that didn’t feel real. I wasn’t showing my true personality or doing what I actually liked, because I was too focused on matching everyone else around me.

Looking back, I realise that was a form of self-abandonment. I didn’t really know myself yet, so I didn’t know how to choose people who were right for me.

But I’ve learned that when you start to love yourself, you begin to truly know yourself. You discover your interests, your boundaries, and the things that actually make you happy. And once that happens, it naturally changes your friendships too. The people who stay in your life start to love you for who you really are.

When I started prioritising self-love and getting to know myself, I ended up attracting healthier friendships. I no longer felt like I had to hide how I was feeling or change myself to fit in. I could just be myself, and my relationships became more genuine because of that.

Self love is also letting go 

This may sound difficult, but self love is also about letting go.

It’s about releasing things you love, but deep down know are not good for your mind, your wellbeing, or your growth. It can also mean letting go of people who you feel are not helping you being the person you truly want to be.

That, too, is a form of self-love. Because in choosing yourself, you are setting boundaries. You are saying, “This is no longer for me.”

Have you ever noticed how things you once loved can start to feel draining over time? Something that used to bring you joy can begin to feel heavy or exhausting. When that happens, you may need to let it go. It is not always easy, and it is not always instant, but it is necessary for growth.

If you don’t let go, it can feel like an anchor keeping you stuck in the same place. You won’t feel free to move forward or grow into something new.

Letting go is what allows you to evolve. A tree cannot grow in bad soil, no matter how much you water it. In the same way, you cannot grow if you stay in environments, habits, or relationships that are holding you back.

Self-love is about recognising what no longer serves you and having the courage to release it. That can mean releasing unhealthy habits, negative thought patterns, or even certain people. It does not always have to be extreme or sudden; it can also be a gradual process of awareness and change.

It starts with asking yourself: Is this serving me? If the answer is no, then the next question becomes: How can I let this go in a healthy way?

Because self-love is not just about holding on to yourself , it is also about having the strength to release what is holding you back.